wat a TGIF.....

went home for dinner... mum first attempt cooking curry mutton... YUMMY!!! love it... not cooked with coconut milk.. so can eat as much as i want.. wahahhaa!!!
went to LC foodcourt after that... was very early... the first to reach there... throat not feeling too good... bought a packet of barley drink n sat on he bike waiting for dawndawn... victor, kelly n eric, *******'s bf reached... i joined them at the table... feeling a bit awkward... izzit me or wat.... some how i dun feel like going LC after tat incident. everyone will start asking "when u getting yr class 2 bike??" and one by one will start tempting u with the bikes. I still havent made up my mind... *spank razzy backside* too much to choose too many to think of... still its the $$ issue... installment.. interest... i dun want to slave for my ride... i want to enjoy my rides... feel so stressed whenever i start calculating.... argghhH!!!

met jos for supper at changi village... cant convince me over the phone so she decided to meet me n give me a consultation... "what are friends for?" she asked... her answer "to be made used of"... i couldnt agree with tat answer. "A friend in need is a friend indeed" i started to lose confidence in "friends". been low profile ever since tat incident... i rather stick with those i feel comfortable with. I know jos wanted us to patch up. but sorry, i cant convince myself to do it. there's a first time there's bound to be second. I dun want to be made used of and have no wish to be branded making use of ppl. Yes i'm stubborn, i'm obstinate. "Friend" to me is a someone who shares yr joy and sadness... someone who is willing to help volunteeringly when u need one. A friend wont stab u in the back when things happen, they will help u when u need one, scold u when they know u r in the wrong.
Friends are priceless, I wont put a tag on to it. and i dun wish see a price tag on me. Dont expect returns when u plan to help a friend. If u expect, at least make known that u want a certain returns for helping him/her.


*** continue my story***
After supper i join kaka, michelle and her friends at KTM. Kaka going china for a week or 2, business trip... sure gonna miss her... *sob*
chatted till 2+am... decided to go home.... a long ride... i speeded for a while... when there's a lot of cars... slow ride when i'm alone on the road... thinking her words... still cant convince myself.....

*shi gu bu hua de razzy*

FRIDAY!!!!

a sad news to start my friday...
hope my 2nd cup of coffee can end my day at work in peace...
"today" might not end the way i want... i just want to have it well spent with my real friends... outsiders!!! KEEP OUT!!!

i know i might sound harsh.. i've been hurt... and never want to get hurt again... pls understand... even if the wound has heal... the scar is still there... it will never be the same again. our characters is like that and i dun wish to change myself in order to "plastic surgery" this wound... I want to be true to myself... i want to answer for my feelings, my decisions. dun force me.



have this habit of biting myself since young... it hurts but the taste of blood calms me down... devilish me... i feel so "vampire"... izzit the reason y i like lava red?? lol... once heard from the dentist tat its not good.. might cause ******... but cant seem to stop this habit... wahahaha

sad...

just got a call from *****... was shocked to hear it from her mouth...
******* did mention something to me a few weeks back... but not affirmative.
she might be giving up her relationship becos of the ***** ****.
she dun even know whether she can make it till then...
symtoms she has i too have... does it mean i too gonna leave this world too??
just take things easy... nobody knows their tomorrow... maybe i kena accident and leave the world the very next day... who cares abt the future?? what matters is today... TODAY!!! be happy everyday... I wanna see my friends happy... i've got one sad friend today... i'm sad too... i dun want to see another friend leaving me... i rather i go first.

Its friday!!! another happy n nua day... another sad day for me...
Happy weekend my friends.... be happy

****** *******....... *** *** **** ** ** ******

****** *******.... *** *** ****** *** **** ** * ***
** **** * *** ** ******, *** *** **** ****** **** ******* ** ***** ** *****.
** **** ****** *** **** *****, *** *** **** ** ***** *** * ***** **** ** **** ** **. ****, ***, **** *** ****.
****** ** ********* *** *********, *** **** **** ** "****" ***.
* *** ****** *** ****** *** *** ** *** ****** ****** ** ******.

** ***, *** **** ** ******** ** **?
*** **** ******* **** **** *** ****?
*'** *** ** ** ****** ******. ** ***** ** ** *** ******.
*'* *** ****** ******.
* ****** **** ****** ** **** **** **********.

indecisive...

haiz... my indecisiveness... i hate it.. i hate myself... always hurt the ones i loved... argghh!!!

RAZZY!!! WAKE UP OR GO BACK TO SLEEP!!!! stop dragging n dragging n dragging!!!
U R TIRING YRSELF N THE ONES U LOVED!!!!

i dun like this feeling.....

woke up with the hollow feeling in my throat... oh no... drank a cup of salt water... hope can bring it down... reached the office... bought a packet of stepsils... hope can cure it...

i'm so alone... its so quite here... those i know left... no one to talk to... no one to approach. he is busy... have to wait n wait n wait.. wasting my time... yes... boss want me to print out and list down the work done and ask the person in charge to sign... easier for him to tag a price on... feels like a primary school student... have to report here and there... somehow $$ is not well spent here... haiz... feel so slooooow... no mood to eat... bun n coffee,location carpark to end my lunchtime..

tired... sad... hate this feeling... felt like a ball being thrown around...

miss girlgirl again... how i wish i'm with her in paradise now... its so meaningless staying alive in this stagnant world.

lonely.. i'm so lonely..... *sob*

sudden cravings

sudden cravings for durian n coffee... arrghhH!!! gonna sleep... nitez bloggie....

life is like coffee

lifespan of coffee is ard 5mins... after 5 mins... u cant get the aroma...u cant get the best taste.... life too... u wont know how many 5 mins u have... treasure every moment u have.... i treasure my family, my friends, my coffee, my rides...

DO U?

still cant bring myself to commit....

think a lot... still cant convince myself to commit into a relationship... went to visit ah ma just now... she's so happy tat ah yang finally got married...i know she is hoping i'm next but no thanks... hehehe
... ah yang is the eldest among the cousins... follow by me, ah yan, xiaomei, my brother soonseng, bernard, ah wei, benny, ah zhen, my brother junwei, ah leng, ah long, melverick and ah girl ...

next is xiaomei and ah yan.... xiao mei engaged last year... got her flat 2 mths ago.. going to renovate the new home soon... we all kept rushing her to get married fast... hehe... ah yen is all ready to go... just tat her gf havent nod her head... lol...

me, ah soon, bernard, ah wei ah leng n ah long still not ready... even my youngest brother once had a gf... n ah zhen ditched 2 guys.... wahahah!!! the other 2 still underage... lol...

pleasures in life... a cup of good coffee, a good friend, a nice place to sit down n listen and smell the air of nature... the rides... tat is all i ask for... =]

July 24th

time flies... almost lost my mum 8 yrs ago when i was in poly first year... glad tat she's still with me now... "Guan yin dan" tat day... yesterday too "Guan yin dan"... my cousin's wedding n lunar birthday... so happy for him... he looked in his 30's despite his age... 1 yr older than me... my grandmother say he look like Fei yuqing... wahahaa!! yes... did look a bit like him... if he's plumper... reached my aunt's place at 830am... still in sleepy mode... saw my other cousin's girlfriend... all of us kept teasing n asking her when's their turn?? hehe.. just waiting for her to nod her head... my cousin still waiting for her... didnt know the 2 brothers so devoted to their gfs... ard 9am the bride n bridegroom came... we all hide in the room... chinese custom... must "hui bi" when the newly wed couples comes home... until they are in their room. anyway... me n a few of the cousins dun really like the bride... havent married already sandwich my cousin... a few times my cousin quarrelled with his mom becos of her... but anyway.. aunt didnt say anything... so let them be... went home after the buffet lunch... and slept till 5pm... went for a quick shower.. dressed up.. still deciding to drive or not to drive... my brother wants to drink.. me too.. but still decided to drive cos it will be quite late after the dinner... cant find the carpark.. holland a bit... luckily we are still early... went in... the older generations suggested we split tables.. young ppl one table n the older one another... yeah!!! first time all cousins having dinner together... though we meet each other 2~3 times a year, but we dun feel like strangers... of all table... can see ours is full of drinks... beer, red wine, for the "adults" orange juice for the young ones... i had 2 glasses of red wine... Good stuff!!!... 2 of my cousins got a bit drunk they drank 6... my brother "high" too they drank 6 too.. lol... i kena sabo by my cousins when the DJ asked for riders on stage... hehe... i was asked to mimic the sound of a harley davidson bike... *pengz* got my prize and went down the stage... next. we sabo my brother n one of my cousins... single and available... they did a dance n catwalk.. woo!!! didnt know my brother can dance so well.. later he claimed tat he was a bit "high".. tats y he dare to do it.. wahaha!!! later from our table... we can see our uncle crying when they are talking about their childhood... we felt sorry... all the kids went to him n sayang him... bottoms up with him... he got drunk n refuses to go home... my mom doted this brother most n he listens to my mom... tsktsktsk...luckily we stay near... his son n my 2 brothers helped him home... he behaved like a kid when drunk... a bit "sajiao" have to sayang him n talk to him nicely then he will listen... lol... reached home at ard 1230am... still feeling very full... but too tired till i drop dead on my bed...