WEIRD

WEIRD… is such a heart breaking and a mind trashing word which had totally tampered the past years of confidence built in me.

I used to think that my words, my thinkings and my actions are truely me and friends and people around me know it, but the trashings for the past weeks and months has once again set me thinking of myself. Why am I weird? I’m weird in what way? Since when has my positives set against me and set me in total confusion. I started to get negative replies, negative comments, negative remarks for handling things.

I started to not able to communicate with others. Whatever they said started to antagonise and annoyed me cos i can’t answer the question properly even if i know what’s going on. Further questions will pissed me off and i will just show my “black face” to get over it. What happened to me?

I started to think violent stuffs, got 2 tire caps stolen this morning. In the past i will just get pissed for a while and forget about it. Today, I started cursing and swearing and hoped to bash the bastard, even till this very second. I was kinda shock myself when i started to refresh my reactions for the issue. What has got into me?

I wouldn’t want to share my thinkings anymore, maybe its becos of my communication problem, or maybe they are just not interested in my topic, its always “oic”, “oh.. ya ya..” and FULLSTOP and i’m really very very pissed with the repeated reactions. I hate that suspicious look whenever there is a coindence.

Bed is my favourite hideout. I will just hide in my blanket and tears will just flow out automatically. Why? I dun even know what i cried for. Or maybe i’ve lost myself to the unnamed fear inside me. What’s there to feared about, i really dunno.

Since when has sake, vodka and the spirits become my best friends. I used to drink with friends and family when there’s a gathering, or some happy moods. But here I am drinking myself, alone, with only my soft toys to talk to and i’ve started to enjoy it.

What’s there to stress about? I really dunno. I’ll get petty over small issues. I hate whatever around me. People, things, EVERYTHING. They are just trying to take advantage of me cos i’m the ms nice gal. Well.. NO MORE MS NICEY! From now on, I will be the selfish me, think of myself as the 2nd priorty after my family. Others, you will be 3rd.

JUST LET ME BE WEIRD!