disappointed... sad... worried...

10.feb.2006
one of my riding partner met an accident last friday.... my heart almost popped out from my mouth... somehow that "lost" feeling is back... got even more worried when seeing the bike.... rushed to ttsh... took me 20+mins to find her.... heart almost stopped when i see her... bandages on her left from arm to toe... saw a big hole near the big toe... bleeding n not tended... saw her deep wound on the knee from far.... feel like scolding her for wearing bermuda n slippers while riding... but still... I thank god that she's ok... thank you... hope u will protect her and my other rider friends from harm n taxi drivers....

11.feb.2006
feeling so weird... paisei to be "dian deng pao" the whole sat... dun really feel comfortable when i see couples lovey dovey... i felt so bright and wanted to get myself out of the picture frame... they dun mind but i do... its so weird... keke =P

13.feb.2006
woke up late... met kakak for wash bike session then went to meet my sec school friends for dinner... nice chat but not too nice dinner... ex n not tat tasty... somehow starting to dislike food... eat again will tell myself at least 3 times a day.... dunno y... been having bad appetite since after CNY.... eat too much till i got dread with it???

14.feb.2006
first time celebrating v.day... though no valentine to spend with... no special feelings actually.. but somehow feeling lost when celebrating... mixed feelings.... got a few missed calls.. some smses yesterday n today... dun like it... especially when i dun know that person tat well... kinda weird when he ask kakak for permission to know me better... weird...

15.feb.2006
disappointed when hearing those words plonging out from her mouth... somehow i feel sad.. tat trust is somehow not secured in her heart.... maybe i'm oversensitive... anyway.. i gave up something in exchange for my dream... i challenged myself.. i will be successful...

i got so sad.. disappointed n worried...
one of my friends just confirmed tat she will collect her zx10 on friday... seeing her so happy.. i got worried... we chatted for hours... shared with her linda n grace stories ...almost gave up riding when linda is gone.. deep in my heart i prayed to linda... "i'm riding for u now"... tears almost flow out from my eyes.... i've lost 2 and dun wish to lose another... that bike simply just too powerful for her... even "racer" deem it overpower... 2 more days... hope she'll be ok... hope the ride is safe... 3 bikes will go rounding with her...
ride safe....

16.feb.2006
my rear tire punctured when i was on my way to 2nd link to pump my petrol... reaching the malaysia customs... felt some "damper" effect... took a quick glance on my 2 tires to see if there's any puncture while waiting for the custom officer to chop my passport... no signs... so i move off and less than 5 seconds... the "damper" effect got worse that i couldnt right in a straight line... and upon stopping my both feet are flat on the ground.. oh no!!! i told myself before i neutral n off the engine... my rear tire has gone flat... and eien has set off to the toll area... tried to call but keep having this active call barring... worried and pissed and couldnt find the stupid nail or watever crap tat punctured it... tried to push the bike and managed to find the hole... move a few more rounds before i confirm that this is the hole... told myself "lucky i got tire repair kit" didnt dare to use it cos... I DUNNO HOW TO USE IT!!! waited for a long time... eien still not back yet... so i took my chance and enlarged the hole... squeeze some glue in n tried to squeeze the "worm" in... tried all means n ways but just couldnt get it in... the worm broke into 2 and there goes my chance... left with one more but no guts to try again... better get someone experienced to do it... borrow the custom officer's phone to make a phone call.. but cant get through... went to the pay phone to make the call.. cant get through... blood was boiling inside me... super suay i told myself... saw eien walking to my bike... so happy.. saviour is here.. he helped me push the bike to a shelter place and try fixing the tire for me... all was well untile the "worm" broke n fell in the tire.. OOps... hehe... no choice... eien decided to go back to singapore n helped me get the better tire repair kit the pro riders use... in the mean time ask me to hog any big bike riders n ask for help... waited for quite sometime before i see 2 big blackbirds... one zoom passed me.. no chance to ask for help... but managed to get hold one the other one n WALLA!!! he is equipped... except for the air pump... luckily i have 2 canister with me... filled up the tire so tat he could fix the tire and filled the tire after the hole is filled with worms... waited for abt an hr...super hot n tired n thirsty... but didnt dare to leave my bike to get water as there are more n more bikes passing by... thinking that the custome will be jam in abt 30mins time... i took my chance and road to GP esso to top up my tank n tire.... NO AIR PUMP!!!! OH SHIT!!! try my luck at petronas.... lucky they have it... so filled the tires n tank n grab a bottle of 100plus to fill up my stomach... no time to remind myself tat i'm hungry... did the normal way... made a big turn via bandar nusajaya n top up my tank again before eien found me.... the tire is still leaking.... no choice... have to take my chance again... pump the tire to the max n rode back to singapore... hoping tat i will make it to KnT... but can start to feel the damper effect... along PIE... no choice... made our way to speedway... glad tat we made it... the mechanic tried to fix the hole.. but no choice... 2 worms still not able to fix it... so changed to M1 sportec.. cost me $200... phew... felt so relieved when its done... went to KnT... kakak met us there after work... felt so weak when she say she wants dinner... i havent even had my breakfast... so zooom!! we set off for a nice 3 course dinner and 2 rounds of teh haliah....

17.feb.2005
a very bad day since yesterday... today not good for those born in the year of the goat.... somemore "fan tai sui" laggi more suay... not everything is to my wishes.... so damn noisy outside the office... cant focus...

jia jia you ben nan nian de jing.... my dad keep wanting to squeeze $$$ from us for his hobby... A have problem with dad... B preparing to get thrown out of the house if she rides again.... C was banned for riding after the accident... again.. down to the bottomline... trust is not there....

im.feeling.so.down.sad.worried.nervous.excited.mixedup.happy.scared.confused......